an empty can / pusta puszka

an empty can
rolling across the street
my insomnia

pusta puszka
toczy się po ulicy
moja bezsenność

Haiku Dialogue: What’s at Hand Week 16 theme: an empty can 15.05.2019

comment by Pat Davis: The thing that struck me right away about Marta’s haiku was that it could be read with a break after Line 1 or Line 2 !

Comment by Alan Summers: Great last line ‘my insomnia’ and the decision to make it that last line really works well!
I love how the middle line isn’t designed to be a pivot line but it has the same effect on this reader (me)!
But because there is no overt or telegraphed pivot line, the haiku is so much more powerful, than a comparison technique of comparing one thing against another.
If there is ever an anthology out of the work posted by KJMunro and Craig Kittner, this is a definite one to be in there!
All comments

1 komentarz: